Joke Thread

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Big Boy
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Re: Joke Thread

Post by Big Boy » 30 Aug 2014 08:35

A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary The husband yelled, 'When you die, I'm getting You a headstone that reads: 'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever'.'

'Yeah,' she replies, 'when you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: 'Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.'
Green Army

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Big Boy
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Re: Joke Thread

Post by Big Boy » 30 Aug 2014 08:36

My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said, 'This will make you happy tonight.'

He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.
Green Army

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Big Boy
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Re: Joke Thread

Post by Big Boy » 30 Aug 2014 08:38

One night, an 87 year-old woman came home from Bingo and found her 92 year-old husband in bed with another woman.

She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor, assisted living apartment, killing him instantly.

Brought before the court on the charge of murder. The judge asked her if she had anything to say in her defence.

She began coolly, 'Yes, your honor. I figured that at 92, if he could have sex...



He could also fly.'
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Big Boy
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Re: Joke Thread

Post by Big Boy » 31 Aug 2014 12:32

My nookie days are over,
My pilot light is out.
What used to be my pride and joy,
Is now my water spout.
Time was when, on its own accord,
From my trousers it would spring.
But now I've got a full time job,
To find the friggin thing.
It used to be embarrassing,
The way it would behave.
For every single morning,
It would stand and watch me shave.
Now as old age approaches,
It sure gives me the blues.
To see it hang its little head,
And watch me tie my shoes!!
Green Army

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yoursTruly
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Re: Joke Thread

Post by yoursTruly » 06 Sep 2014 23:13

Tut, tut! Talking about your willy on a Family Forum(c).

A nice little poem though. :lol: I can only hope my funeral orators will be as sincere.
"Don't take life too serious. It ain't no ways permanent."
-- Pogo, by Walt Kelly

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yoursTruly
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Re: Joke Thread

Post by yoursTruly » 08 Sep 2014 15:39

Here's a funny song that celebrates the joys and sorrows of modern Family Life. It's by the Ramone Family Singers from Queens, New York and called "We're A Happy Family".

We're a happy family
We're a happy family
We're a happy family
Me mom and daddy

Siting here in Queens
Eating refried beans
We're in all the magazines
Gulpin' down thorazines

We ain't got no friends
Our troubles never end
No Christmas cards to send
Daddy likes men

Daddy's telling lies
Baby's eating flies
Mommy's on pills
Baby's got the chills

I'm friends with the President
I'm friends with the Pope
We're all making a fortune
Selling Daddy's dope

"Don't take life too serious. It ain't no ways permanent."
-- Pogo, by Walt Kelly

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Re: Joke Thread

Post by yoursTruly » 13 Sep 2014 09:45

Charles Bukowski, "Thoughts On Being 71"

It's better now, death is closer,
I no longer have to look for it,
no longer have to challenge
it, taunt it, play with it.
it's right here with me
like a pet cat or a wall calendar
odd, though, I feel no different
than I did at 35 or 47 or 62:
I am only truly conscious of my
age when I look into a
mirror:
ridiculous
baleful eyes, grinning
stupid mouth.
"Don't take life too serious. It ain't no ways permanent."
-- Pogo, by Walt Kelly

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yoursTruly
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Re: Joke Thread

Post by yoursTruly » 20 Sep 2014 04:04

Confused dog and wife seek eligibility to Family Forum©. Claim discrimination and racial profiling.

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"Don't take life too serious. It ain't no ways permanent."
-- Pogo, by Walt Kelly

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Re: Joke Thread

Post by yoursTruly » 21 Sep 2014 00:30

Ignorant tourist tries to catch some rays at the crime scene.

Image
"Don't take life too serious. It ain't no ways permanent."
-- Pogo, by Walt Kelly

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Re: Joke Thread

Post by yoursTruly » 26 Sep 2014 05:33

Good advice here for both men and women about how to find the right partner.

"Don't take life too serious. It ain't no ways permanent."
-- Pogo, by Walt Kelly

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Re: Joke Thread

Post by yoursTruly » 26 Sep 2014 13:17

Oops, taken down by youtube. Here it is at another site:

http://www.ign.com/boards/threads/life- ... 454237292/
"Don't take life too serious. It ain't no ways permanent."
-- Pogo, by Walt Kelly

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Re: Joke Thread

Post by yoursTruly » 28 Sep 2014 02:40

Trees suck at riding motorbikes

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"Don't take life too serious. It ain't no ways permanent."
-- Pogo, by Walt Kelly

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Re: Joke Thread

Post by yoursTruly » 28 Sep 2014 02:45

Trees suck at swimming

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"Don't take life too serious. It ain't no ways permanent."
-- Pogo, by Walt Kelly

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Re: Joke Thread

Post by yoursTruly » 28 Sep 2014 02:56

Trees suck at doing drugs

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"Don't take life too serious. It ain't no ways permanent."
-- Pogo, by Walt Kelly

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Re: Joke Thread

Post by yoursTruly » 28 Sep 2014 02:59

Trees suck at choosing a direction in life
Image
"Don't take life too serious. It ain't no ways permanent."
-- Pogo, by Walt Kelly

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